PSA-170213-Monday Giggles

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  1. A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.” “Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!” “No, no,” pleaded the dog. “Please don’t! If that man finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone as well!”
  2. An old geezer became bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
    He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”
    Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about
    medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $$. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
    Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??”
    Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
    Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

    Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

    Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”

    Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back . That will be $500.”

    Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

    Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!!!!”

    Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, ” Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)

    Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”

    Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

    Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”

    Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.

    ENJOY YOUR DAY !!

    3. The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged
    mountains of Alaska. He was driving along near the campground when
    he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He
    found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a ‘Vote for
    Hillary’ hat and a ‘Save the Trees’ shirt. The man was screaming
    and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free
    himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
    As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers
    wearing Go Trump shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a .44
    magnum slug right into the bear’s chest. The two other men pulled
    the semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp.

    Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.
    Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their
    pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat
    in the back seat.

    As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him.
    “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he proudly
    proclaimed. “I have heard there was bitter hatred between
    Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now
    I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.

    As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, “Who was that
    guy?”Dude, that was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s in direct
    contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.

    “Well,” the logger said, “he may have access to all wisdom, but he
    don’t know squat about bear hunting. By the way, is the bait still
    alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?

    4. A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
    The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

    The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’

    At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said.
    The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
    The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’
    The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
    ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now ;and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’

    On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said ‘Sir…There’s no money in that account.

    ”I know,’ said the old man…’But let me tell you about my weekend.’

    Not All Seniors Are Senile…

5.   A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth &
a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare
office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. you know, I just HATE drawing
welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the
system, getting something for nothing.”

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just
got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and
bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You’ll have to drive around in his 2016 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply
all of your clothes.”

“Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected
to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward
but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the Daughter is in her
20’s and has a strong sex drive.

The guy, wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me?”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well . . . you started it.”

 

6     Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women as given by David Letterman
And here we go…
#10 – You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 – You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you’re on the road.
#8 – If you admire a friend’s gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 – Your primary gun doesn’t mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 – Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 – A gun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.
#4 – Guns function normally every day of the month..
#3 – A gun doesn’t ask , “Do these new grips make me look fat?”
#2 – A gun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer Guns over women…..
#1 – You can buy a silencer for a gun.

Why Is Health Care So Expensive?

High Cost DocumentationDuring the last couple of weeks, I got a first hand reminder of what  it is like in a health care system.  My late Auntie Marie was hospitalized for a few days before she died. Of course, Peggy and I visited often during those days. There was one thing that stuck out as I walked the halls of a well known suburban hospital. No matter which floor we were on,  or which nurse’s station we were near, people were diligently entering data or writing on charts.
I began to wonder what that was all about. Very few of these people were tending to patients, yet all of them were very busy. These people are all very expensive. Health care workers don’t come cheap. What is so important to require so much documentation? I quizzed my daughter, who is a nurse, to explain. We had a very nice father daughter discussion on the matter. She cleared up some of my mis-conceptions.
In summary here is why they document:
1. If it ain’t documented the insurance company, Medicare, etc. doesn’t pay. Of course the hospital is a business, and requires money to run. Patients never like to pay for their own health care,  therefore they pay for insurance to pay the bill for them. The insurance companies are also in business to make a profit. They sell us policies with fine print defining just what they will cover. Medicare does the same thing. Their rules are just as stringent as any insurance company’s. Therefore, hospitals document in order to charge.
Insurance companies take a bad rap when they cite the fine print in a policy, and refuse to pay. We should all be more careful when we buy policies. We tend to go for the lowest cost. Of course we do, why pay more? Except we don’t read the details, or the details don’t matter when we sign the contract. There is a famous insurance company commercial, running now, that touts the ability to tailor make a policy to fit your budget. Guess what? They do it by limiting your benefits. We go for price, they go for the sell, and we are happy until we get into a health crisis and the bill comes to us. 
2. Doctors need information from the nurses in order to make your health care decisions. They work by reading test reports, and the charts documenting vital signs such as temperature, blood pressure, heart rate, and  repsonses to medications.  Doctors also write instructions to the nurses for your treatment. Then, as a CYA they document their treatment plan and diagnosis. Again, if it ain’t documented they don’t get paid. A doctor  might spend ten minutes per patient reading a chart, and two minutes talking to him. If you have a serious problem, the doc may take three minutes to explain the prognosis.  Nurses document your vital signs, and dispense drugs. Certified Nursing Assistants do all the other dirty work of keeping patients comfortable. In the good old days, the nurse did it all. My wife Barbara tended to a surgical ward at West Side VA hospital back in 1959. She took care of, and documented up to thirty patients at a time. Life was simpler back then.
3. Hospitals have quality control programs. They are crappy compared to the ones  industry has  put into place to make all the products, and drugs they use, but they have systems.  These systems require documentation. In my business, we said that if we could measure something, we could improve it. Therefore, any quality system requires data documenting metrics that can show management if they are doing well. Most hospitals require you to complete a satisfaction questionnaire when you leave. This is an example of their input.
4. Lastly, health professionals document to CYA (cover your ass). All doctors and hospitals are so afraid a patient will sue them that they over document in order to cover themselves in the event that one of them makes an error. Or, if the patient and his family perceive a screw up.
The bottom line is that I saw dollars with wings and heard a cash register ringing as I walked the corridors of that hospital.
Obama’s solution to this problem is to invent a totally new health care system to compete with the one in place. If the actual health care industry doesn’t know how to fix their problem, what makes us think a group of Congressman and Senators can  invent  a new system to fix it all?
Bend over America, the government wants to give you an enema.
In a future post, I will present a plan for realistic reform. Stay tuned.

Obama-Care

I often hear people tell me that they need a medical procedure that they cannot afford, and they don’t have insurance. They skip going back to the doctor. Instead of taking care of themselves out of their pocket, they neglect their bodies. If insurance pays, it is a different story. Why is this? My deceased wife Barb was in this group. If she had to pay for a treatment she skipped it. She worked as a nurse,  and felt the system owed her the care.

So many times I have heard my own doctor tell me that I need something but my insurance doesn’t cover it, therefore he won’t even think of prescribing it. Why? When I ask if I can pay out of my pocket, he gives me a dumb look like he doesn’t know how to handle a cash customer. Why?

 Our obsession with universal health-care is nuts. We should know by now that if POTUS is pushing  it, that it will be a disaster for all of us. Of course it will be another emergency like the banks, and the car companies, so there will be a hurry for legislation to be passed without any transparency and without anyone reading it ahead of time. Every democratic rubber stamp will be wet with ink on the day of the vote. No amount of  citizen calls, e-mails, and letters to our congressional reps will make a difference. Our congress is a bunch of Obam-ass kissing socialist power grabbers who have forgotten what there jobs are. They represent the people not the president.

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