Keep Out, Stay Away, Do Not Enter

This morning began gloriously. The sun was bright, the air was temperate, and I had a list of chores to complete—the first chore involved slaughter at the border. My temple has been invaded by a creature known as a carpenter ant. These pesky things are giant compared to normal ants and are known to damage houses. They don’t eat wood like a termite does, but they do bore tunnels in wood to create their nests and dens. Usually, by the time they are discovered they have crossed the boundaries and have take up residence with the family. They don’t bite humans but they scare the hell out of the feminine gender as they traipse through a room looking for a piece of wood to call home. I usually find them by following the shrieks to where Lovely stands frozen in fear as she watches the black thing cut across the carpet in front of her. I must admit that this particular breed is equipped with wings. The bug encyclopedia explains that the wings belong to the queen amongst them. I don’t believe I have identified the right ant because every one that I have slain has had wings. Is it possible that an entire colony can be queens?

Although this image depicts a rather dangerous-looking creature, he/she is only about 2 cm long, which is enormous in the ant world.

The closest thing to a nest I found was under a cabinet containing bottles of my favorite beverages; there, under the right-hand corner, was a cluster of six or seven ants looking a little inebriated. It is hard to discern if they were drunk because ants don’t typically walk in a straight line. After Lovely stopped screaming “ant, ant” when I showed her the small squad in her sterile kitchen she very happily crushed the critters by squeezing them between her fingers in a napkin. After the slaughter she turned to me and proceeded to interrogate “are there any more?”

“Of course, there are more,” I said, “but they have all returned to their tunnels and disappeared like Hamas.”