Let’s Have Some Pun Fun

For CEREBRAL Friends & Deep Thinkers

  • Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  • What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  • Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  • Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?  Swarm.
  • If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  • Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  • A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  • I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  • Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  • How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  • I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  • Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  • When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stare.
  • Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  • Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a sentence.
  • Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  • I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  • I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  • What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  • I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  • I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back”
  • What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self.
  • I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

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