A Little Political Humor

Posted on 10/06/2020 by Grumpa Joe

This story was sent to me by a friend and it is too good not to share;

Butch. The Rooster.

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.  She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Peace Prize” they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?

Vote carefully in the next election. You can’t always hear the bells.

( If you don’t send this on, you’re a chicken…… no yolk)

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Armed Fairies or Fairies and Robbers

Posted on 09/06/2020 by Grumpa Joe

Our country has gone absolutely insane. I’m sorry Liberals, but your move to defund the police is asinine. I am not in love with the police, but I am not in love with public violence and storm troopers with bats either. A few years ago I wrote a piece about how stupid I thought the local police are in Will County Illinois because they bought an armored vehicle. Why did they do it? Because they didn’t like being shot at by villains and the armored truck gave them protection. How unfair I thought. If I were a criminal I’d be looking for a bigger, better armored vehicle to fight with. That kind of thinking i.e. even out the playing field between cops and criminals yielded the popularity of cops arming themselves militarily. Back in the sixties the argument was that the criminals were using high capacity automatic weapons and the cops still had six shooters. I also argue that my sleepy little town of Frankfort doesn’t need forty cops on the payroll, but we do. The Mayor believes we need that many and more to provide us with protection.

My biggest gripe with the local police is the need for speed traps. Why? To be safe and to cut down on the number of deaths and injuries caused by speeding automobiles. All the speed traps do is piss off the drivers and generate a ton of money for the police force. So, if I am so against police why do I say Americans are asinine? Because there has to be some kind of balance between good and evil, like good =100 and evil =0. I also like a peaceful community.

What the Liberals propose is to de-fund police departments. That would cause communities to eliminate the police. We are a country built on the rule of law, and police are with us to enforce laws. Liberals might say that we can enforce laws with peaceful unarmed fairies. They would flit about with their magic wands and bags of fairy dust to sprinkle on criminals to deter their evil actions.

Will the world ever eliminate all evil? I don’t see that happening. There is a law of nature that dictates that for every positive there is an equal negative. It doesn’t sound right, but there is and always will be evil to fight against good. Sometimes, the evil doers will become very evil and cause harm to the good. That is when the fairies are needed to referee the matches between, and to over power the evil forces. This all assumes that good is better quality than evil. Good must prevail over evil, and cops are a necessary evil to maintain good.

Think about a world where there is absolutely no good, only evil. It is my belief that someone amongst us would realize that good is a better way to live, and begin to ward off evil. That is why we would invent cops and that is why we need cops, and not unarmed fairies.

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Farmer’s Market Covid Version

Posted on 08/06/2020 by Grumpa Joe

How does a person continue to write for a blog when his mind and heart are not in it any longer? After seventy some days without missing a single day of writing I became blocked. The past two days I spent as off days and enjoyed myself by walking and talking. I attended our newly opened Covid friendly farmer’s market and was pleased. The Village Father’s put some thought into it and I think they have succeeded in remaking it to close to where it was. The Frankfort Farmer’s Market had become the social event of the week. We had farmers from within a 110 mile radius selling fresh vegetables, fruit, flowers fresh baked bread, tacos, and what not. In addition there were booths selling slushies, lemonade, and other hand made drinks. My favorite was a Nun who drove in from Chicago with newly baked French pastries and breads. She and her fellow nuns are from France in Chicago on a mission living in a a converted old warehouse and doing charitable work among the indigents of the city. Another favorite is a lady who bakes pies. My favorite is her apple, cherry, or blueberry pies. She sends her husband to the market with a minivan loaded with pies. His instructions are not to return until the pies are all sold. He never takes any home and he leaves early.

Since the bouncer at the gate controlled the flow of people coming into the market area it was never crowded and lines at the booths were all very short. The line outside the market however, was very long. That is because the people were all spacing themselves six feet apart. The line never stopped. There were always people leaving to allow new people in.

On a normal Sunday, the market wraps around a building we call the Grainery. The booths are stacked next to each other closely to allow the most vendors into the least amount of space. In the Covid scheme the market was split into two areas, i.e. two parking lots across the street from each other. The second section was controlled the same way as the first, the bouncer lets you in and keeps the flow moving.

All in all, the market was the highlight of my day. I walked three and a half miles, and wound up carrying my slushie home before I could drink any of it.

Filed under: Biography, family, Food, Garden, Warm and Fuzzy | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Terror In the Night

Posted on 05/06/2020 by Grumpa Joe

Mohamad Ali Wabbit continues to harass the garden. My prized Sum and Substance is nearly gone to the ground. What will Mohamad do when it is? I will nurse the plant with fertilizer and pray that the root system is strong enough to regenerate new foliage. Where will Mohamad be while this process (six weeks) takes place. No doubt he will either hide again or move to another spot within the yard. While he hides, I will takes new measures to thwart his maneuvers to terrorize me and my flowers.

Last Vestige of Sum and Substance After Night Attack By Mohamad Ali-Wabbit

You may not be able to see it, but all around this formerly large plant are six smaller ones of a different Hosta species. All are eaten to the ground. I think this cell may be an arm of BLM (Bunny Lives Matter) a sub-group of Inter-Garden Epicurian Delights (IGED). All IGED are dedicated to the betterment of a minority class of denizen Oryctolagus cuniculus. They are ferociously attacking local gardens spreading the heresy of unequal rights, while enjoying satiating repasts of succulent young plantains. Does anyone care? No, all I get are comments that I’m a bunny hater who should be put away for violating the BLM movement. Meanwhile, locals are sending teary eyed pleas to George Szaros* to do something about gardener brutality.

In the meantime, I am on phone-hold with my domain host for forty-five minutes. It seems that my service is blocking content that I am sending to my family. I take offense to that. Why do I pay them an exorbitant fee to maintain my domain if only to be censored by them? I get no respect.

In the news, I was surprised to learn that Mad Dog Mattis has declared the President close to violating the Constitution with his remarks about sending Federal troops to bring peace back to rioting cities if their own governors cannot nor will not do so. The President has Constitutional authority to do what he has said. What Mad Dog failed to mention is that the particular act that allows the President to move in that direction has never been used for two hundred years, in other words, never. The fact remains that the Founder’s expected a day would come when insurrection would need federal control. The President is also accused of further dividing the country instead o reuniting it. It is my opinion that he is treating all groups the same. His proclamation to take action is giving the rioters the same process as would be given any other riotous group. He believes in law and order, and that we rule by law. The groups supporting these riots all want dispensation and approval for their actions. Trump’s actions apply the rules evenly. So what else can the rioters do but to proclaim racism, and unfair treatment?

I have no mercy for the rioters. They believe no one will listen to them unless they do damage and cause mayhem. I seem to recall that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. promoted peaceful protests. These are not peaceful protests. I really believe they are acts of insurrection against the federal government. At the very least they are acts of terrorism. The organizers must be found, apprehended, and given due process just to show them that they are equal to the rest of us.

With all the laws that have been passed over the past fifty years the balance has shifted in favor of people with color. Too many times smart kids are turned away from colleges while kids with lessor scholarship credentials are selected to go to the best schools (affirmative action for racial minorities). We have also lost our liberty when it comes to selling our homes. The equal rights act punishes us if we reject an offer from a black. It goes so far as to awarding the property to the rejected person and away from the rightful owner. Police have given up policing in neighborhoods that are too dangerous to enter. Why, because they don’t want to be held responsible for arresting someone who is guilty as sin for violating their civil rights. My hometown of Chicago is a prime example. I am not aware that stealing, looting, burning destroying property, and killing is a civil right that goes unprosecuted if you are a person of color.

When a liberal states that the president is guilty of of dividing the country he is saying that some races are more equal than others. If your great-great-great-great grandparents were slaves it gives you privileges. Meanwhile in some parts of the twenty-first century world slavery is still a practice and those enslaved are not rioting. The US is the only place in the world that has fought a war to stop slavery. It is also the only place where the liberal drive to make all people equal is turning into a civil war.

I’d sooner spend my time fighting Mohamad Ali Wabbit in my back yard.

  • George Szaros (translated: Szaros = shitty in Hungarian) not to be confused with George Soros who has the same reputation as George Szaros and who supports the human BLM with money to fuel riots, looting, burning, destroying property, and killing.

Filed under: Garden, Government, Sarcasm, Satire | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Wabbit Wars: Attack on Sum and Substance

Posted on 04/06/2020 by Grumpa Joe

The cell has been in deep sleep for the past three years. There was not a single thread of visibility during that time, and the gardener wondered what had happened. Had he finally succeeded in destroying them? The question circled through his mind all summer long as he continued to surveil the garden for signs of weird plant damage. Nothing, until this week. The gardener had transplanted some Hosta plants to revise his yearly scheme for the Monet Vision (his garden). He didn’t have a theme for 2020 but since he was about to sell his house and garden to move into a retirement community he thought it best make it a lower maintenance scene.

Instead of planting succulent annual flowers like petunias he would just rearrange the perennials which were over grown. The Wabbits love petunias and leave the perennials alone he thought. “I will kill two birds with one stone”, he said to himself, “lower maintenance and less expense of buying flashy annuals.” There will be less color, but if done properly the design and layout will compensate for the lack of color. Besides, I’ll add some annuals as a little splash of pizzazz.

Time passed after the transplant and the Gardener began to see some strange effects on the smaller Hosta plants. He noticed that they were weak in appearance, and by now they should have begun to flourish. Hmmnn, strange that these usually hardy plants look so feeble here in the new spot. Could it be they are getting too much sun? Another week passes and he sees the foliage on his miniature Hosta’s become even worse. “I may have to replant these he thought.”

What a Sum and Substance Hosta Should Look Like
What a Wabbit Terror Attack Does To A Healthy Sum and Substance

Then, this morning when the gardener raised the window shade overlooking the garden, he saw it. An invasion in progress. The Wabbit sat at the edge of his Sum and Substance with a giant bright green leave bobbing in his mouth as he chewed. Instinctively, the gardener snapped the lock on the sliding glass door to make a loud cracking noise. The Wabbit leaped, took one bound and disappeared. The Terror Cell is alive and exposed he thought.

Let the war begin. What devious means will I use to get him to leave the yard? He thought he had outwitted him by moving a plant they never touch, but to his surprise, the Rabbit decided it was just what he needed to please his palate.

There are two things I can do, thought the gardener. One, I can let the river run again. He had stopped the flow of water from the waterfall for stream-bed maintenance, and forcing the Wabbit to cross a water barrier will make it harder. Second a mesh of poultry-barrier across another entrance to this bed will also make it harder for him to invade.

There is one thing the gardener will not stand for in his yard, i.e terrorism by any intruder, be it an invasive species like thistle or dandelion, or rabbit. Garden terrorism is a costly detriment to the appearance of the Monet Vision, it must be stopped.

to be continued. . . .

Filed under: Biography, Garden, Hobby, Humor, Wabbit Wars | Tagged: , , , | Leave a comment »

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