PSA-190705-Old Guy’s Stuff

A WISE MAN ONCE SAID NOTHING.
 
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS; THEY GRADUATED SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
 
WHY DO I HAVE TO PRESS  “1” FOR ENGLISH?  DID WE MOVE?
 
BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
 
INSTEAD OF “SINGLE” AS A MARITAL STATUS I PREFER “INDEPENDENTLY OWNED AND OPERATED”.
 
PATIENCE:  WHAT YOU HAVE WHEN THERE ARE TOO MANY WITNESSES.
 
LET’S STOP SENDING  MONEY TO OTHER COUNTRIES AND LET THEM HATE US FOR FREE.
 
VEGETARIAN:  ANCIENT TRIBAL NAME FOR THE VILLAGE IDIOT WHO CAN’T HUNT, FISH, OR LIGHT FIRES!
 
I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK….”REALLY?  THAT’S THE SPERM THAT WON?”
 
IN MY DEFENCE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
 
CAMPING:  WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
 
IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
 
 
MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD….

SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID.  AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.

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