God’s Plan for Aging

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Most seniors never get enough exercise.

In His Wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.

And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His Wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.

And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have  additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

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Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

#9 – Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 – Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 – Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4 – Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 – In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 – Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Don’t ignore this message. This is your only warning.

A friend sent this to me — he must have mistakenly assumed I was aging!

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Confused!!!!

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It seems that lately my life has been getting more complicated, and I want to thank those of you who are brave enough to still associate with me regardless of what I have become.
The following is a recap of my current identity:
I was born white, which makes me a racist.
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which makes me a fascist.
I am heterosexual, which makes me a homophobe.
I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.
I am a Christian, which makes me an infidel.
I am older than 65 and retired, which makes me a useless old person.
I think and I reason; therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which makes me a reactionary.
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.
I value my safety and that of my family; therefore I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.
I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which makes me anti-social.
I, and my friends, acquired a good education with student loans that we paid off, which makes me some kind of odd underachiever.
I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland by all citizens, which makes me a militarist.

Please help me come to terms with this, because I‘m not sure who I am anymore!

Newest problem – I’m not sure which bathroom I should use

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