Fifteen Degrees and Flat

Posted on 15/01/2011 by Grumpa Joe

A couple of nights ago, I received an emergency call to help out with a rescue. The caller, my son, was without a car. He loaned his car to the kids to go to their scheduled swim session at Lincoln-Way High School West. I had just settled into my favorite chair for an evening of TV when the phone rang. The kids had a flat tire and asked for help.

My response was as quick as I could make it. I only delayed long enough to get a flashlight from my shop. The Avalon Death Star went into motion within five minutes. I picked up Mike and we were off to the rescue.

We found the rascals on a dark, and desolated section of road in the country about six miles away from home. Thankfully, my granddaughter had the car pulled completely off the road on a flat shoulder.  The outside temperature was fifteen degrees, and there was a wind blowing with two inches of snow on the ground.

I left my car running to power the lights, and to provide a warm place for the kids to sit while Mike changed the tire. Mike had the tools and the spare tire out of the car in short order. As he struggled with the lug nuts, I found the jack point and began to set up the jack. Thank God, Mike is as strong as a bull. He had all it took to loosen those nuts. Once the nuts were off, he started raising the car. The jack was on uneven ground and began leaning forward. “Stop,” I told him.  Take it down again, If we keep going up the car will fall off. He reset the jack by scrapping some of the snow and stones out from under. Then the jacking began all over again.

We looked at the tire from the outside, and yes it was severely cut.  The cast aluminum wheel didn’t come off easy. It was frozen to the hub, and needed quite a bit of kicking, and shaking to loosen. Finally, the wheel came off. We were shocked to see that the entire inner sidewall was shredded. My sweet little granddaughter drove on a flat tire for several miles before discovering that a problem existed.

Mike got the new tire on in record time and we were on our way again. When I stopped at his house, the timer on my car indicated that we had spent fifty-eight minutes from the time I started my car to leave until we arrived back home.

All I know is that my ass was frozen and it took the remainder of the evening to get warmed up again. Working in fifteen degrees is not fun. Even though all I did was hold a flash light for Mike, I got the same degree of chill. I think we set some kind of record for tire changing on a cold winter night.

Shredded Inner Sidewall

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“You Look Green. . .”

Posted on 11/01/2011 by Grumpa Joe

My Cousin Sharon trades e-stuff with me on a daily basis. Today, she sent an invitation to go fishing on a special excursion. The description of the trip, and the photos attached, evoked memories of a time when I went deep-sea fishing on the Gulf of Mexico.

First, I will share the invitation; then I will post my response, then the photos.

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The Invitation

A friend of mine is planning a fishing excursion to Stewart Island (New Zealand) next week.

This is not a normal fishing boat jaunt.  This is 5-star stuff. All gear, food, booze, supplied.  The works!

Relax in the spa pool and watch the sun set over Mount Anglem. Then, gather around the piano and the well-stocked bar for an evening of romantic something.

Expressions of interest are invited for this ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ experience.

Publicity photographs attached.

Let me know if you want to go.

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My Response

Sharon:

Back in the 1980’s, I was on a fishing junket like the one shown in these photos. I was a guest of Monsanto. They invited me to visit their technical center in Pensacola, Florida in March for a seminar on nylon plastic. What the heck, it was near the end of a long hard Chicago winter, and we needed some sun and fun. Barb was with me. When school was out, the boyz went deep-sea fishing on a forty-foot charter boat in the Gulf of Mexico. My colleague’s wives’ took Barb sailing on Pensacola Bay.

The coolers were stocked with every food and drink imaginable, what a great day it promised to be. We motored out of port on the flat water of Pensacola Bay. I dove into the goodies and had a breakfast of cold greasy sausage on a croissant chased by a beer. The Captain kept his speed down as we motored the bay.  We passed the breakwater into the Gulf when he kicked it into high-speed.

Instantly, I learned the meaning of seasickness. The boat was ours for the day, but in my mind all I kept saying was turn back, turn back, take me fishing in the bay.

Catching a fish was a challenge. I rotated between hanging on for dear life, and running to the head, all the while holding on to a pole. It was eight hours that seemed like eight days. The boat rocked, rolled, swayed, bobbed, and dipped; all at the same time. We dipped, and a wall of water surrounded the boat. Oh my God! We are going down. We bobbed, and all we saw was sky. I never wanted my life to end as much as I did that day.

It finally did end, and we reentered Pensacola Bay. The water was instantly flat; the seasickness disappeared as quickly as it came.  Life was good again.

Barb met me at the dock all bubbly to tell me about her great day of sailing on the bay. She took one look at me, and said, “You look green, are you okay?”

Thanks for sharing the invitation; it brought back memories of the “good old days.”

Not.

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The Photos

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Brighten Your Day With a Bloom

Posted on 08/01/2011 by Grumpa Joe

The indoor garden occasionally brings me great joy. Today, I was graced with two new blossoms. One, is an Amaryllis, and the other is my old friend the orchid. Both flowers have stories behind them.

The Amaryllis: Grandma Peggy and I received this plant in a Christmas gift exchange. We brought it home and forgot about it. It was late January or early February when I found it and decided it was time to open the box.  I knew the box contained a bulb in some organic floss. Surprise, When I opened the box the bulb had a three-inch long very pale green  sprout sticking out of it. I planted the bulb into the pot that came with it, and watered it. Within six weeks we had a beautiful flower. At the end of winter, I planted the bulb in the garden. Every year for three years, I dug the bulb out, potted it,  and brought it in. This year, for some odd reason, it decided to flower.

The orchid: My deceased wife Barb received the orchid as a gift when she came home from her open heart surgery in 2000. It was in full bloom when I brought it home with her. The orchid blooms for six months, then, takes a nap and re-blooms. This year, it is doing the same thing. This plant has been faithful to me for ten years. When I think about it, she has blossomed continuously for five of those ten years.

Right now, the plant has only opened one blossom. In a week or two it will have a double spike  with as many as twenty flowers on it. I’ll show it again when it goes into full bloom. The poor thing needs to be repotted, but while I was thinking about it, she decided to go into labor and bloom. I can’t touch it now until the last bloom falls off sometime in June.

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Need a Bomb Shelter?

Posted on 07/01/2011 by Grumpa Joe

Maybe it is just me, but the Progressive types don’t seem to care about natural laws. I consider the US Constitution to be in the same category of document as the Ten Commandments. They have withstood the test of time, and are still valid today. You just can’t argue with the validity. Yet, the Liberals want to modify these natural laws to suit their own stupid agenda. The ten commandments and the US Constitution make too much sense, and they must be demonized and rewritten to make their own ideas seem viable. The latest argument, is that Conservatives are using the Constitution as the basis for a new religion. Actually, I think that is a good argument, because as a conservative, I do uphold the constitution with the same respect as I do the ten commandments and the bible.

Liberals argue that old documents like the Constitution are written in language that is hard to understand. They also pretend to be very intelligent and educated people. If they are so damned intelligent would it matter how difficult the language is to read? The same guys are probably all lined up to get into Shakespeare plays too.

They abhor the bible and the ten commandments because they are rules from God. Good liberals do not believe in God, therefore the commandments and the bible are irrelevant. They don’t believe in God, because they can’t see or touch Him. Therefore He must not exist. They lack faith in anyone but themselves, but their faith is hypocritical. Why? Because they also believe that Big Government knows what is good for them better than they know for themselves.

The cartoon portrays my feelings on the new START Treaty with Russia. The Russians have pulled a fast one on our administration. In our liberal direction of giving criminal countries equal standing in the world, we are literally giving away our position in the hierarchy of nations. Our foolish President and State Department really believes that by giving Russia, Iran, North Korea, and Venezuela equal status with the United States, that our relations will improve and there will be great peace on earth.

I think the economy will improve because of START. There will be a new building boom for bomb shelters.

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One Baby Step Closer

Posted on 06/01/2011 by Grumpa Joe

The Man-Cave is the recipient of a significant baby step. The cabinet that caused me to blow my table saw is completed. I wasted an afternoon with the router trying to make the elegant solution in wood. I finally ruined the piece after three hours, and shut off the lights in frustration. I was finished, It beat me. Tomorrow is another day. Before I exited the cave, I sat on the throne for a few minutes, and thought. The answer for how to hang the cabinet came to me. It was so simple, I couldn’t believe it. I finished my meditation, and immediately turned the shop lights back on. Within thirty minutes I completed the job.

This morning, I removed the plate on the table saw and looked around with a flash light. I found the reason for yesterday’s giant firework display and ka-pow. I had the saw blade tilted to the most extreme angle it would make. Then, I backed the blade down to make a very shallow cut. What I didn’t see was that the saw blade came to rest against  the cable connecting the motor to the switch. When I turned on the power, the blade sliced through half the wire and  caused a dead short. Twenty amperes were sucked out of the grid in an instant. I am happy to report, that the circuit breaker functioned and killed the circuit.

I will sleep much better tonight.

I think Craftsman (SEARS) deserves to get  a letter detailing this failure of their product.

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