Last night Peggy and I attended a special bereavement prayer service. She being a widow, and I a widower who met at the bereavement group we still go to meetings. The Saint Anthony group was begun, and is run by the pastoral minister Katie A. She has a unique format which keeps us coming back monthly. We miss more meetings than we attend these days, but the June meeting always includes a balloon release, and we go.
Katie began the meeting with a prayer followed by Celine Dione singing the song “Because You Loved Me.” For anyone who has lost a loved one and is grieving, this song goes right to your heart. I can’t give credit to the composer because I don’t know who wrote it.
Because You Loved Me -Celine Dione-
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful baby
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through it all.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star is out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me
Katie and Deacon Rich followed the song with more prayer then we listened to another song, “If You Could See Me Now.” This song also speaks to those who lost a loved one. When our emotions died down a bit, Katie distributed note paper and pens.
We wrote a note to our deceased loved one.
Mine went like this:
“Dear Barb,
I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here with me. You would be so proud of the children and their children. Please help me become the best version of myself that I can be.
Igen Szeretlek,
Joszi”
We rolled up our notes and tied them to a balloon. Together the group assembled in the prayer garden outside the church. Katie took photos, then we released the balloons and watched them ascend toward heaven to our loved one. The first note I wrote to Barb five years ago brought me to tears for the remainder of the evening. This year, my eyes were moist. The tears were constrained by a sulleness, as I watched the pink baloon disappear.
After all the baloons were out of sight, we went into the church hall for a social. Everyone brought a dish to share. As the ladies set up the table, I talked with members who had joined the group five years ago when I did. It is amazing to witness their growth. All of us have moved on, thank God. I remember when I first joined and I listened to members talking about their grief and that they were members of the group for five or more years, I thought they must be very sick. How could anyone harbor grief that long? I didn’t like the idea of hurting that much for such a long time, I wanted the hurt to go away immediately. Five years later, I know how it feels. I still have moments of sorrow when I am overcome by depression and desire to have my old life back with Barb. It won’t happen, she never talks to me even though I still speak to her almost daily.
Barb’s Aunt Marie, also a widow now ninety three, told me it was five years before her beloved Henry was not on her mind every day. After my five years, I have to say she didn’t remember how long it took.
We never lose the love we have for the one we lost. They are in our mind and heart constantly. We speak to them, we see them clearly in our minds, yet they are as gone as can be.
I firmly believe that one day, we will be together again in the eternal garden of heaven. In the meantime, I must get on with becoming the best version of myself that I can become.
After the funeral, a friend gave me a gift for the garden. It was a stepping stone with the following inscribed:
“If I could build a stairway to heaven
I’d walk right up and bring you back again. ”
Certainly a nice sentiment, but if I could build a stairway to heaven and I walked up, why would I want to come back down to this miserable earth?
Filed under: grief, Memories, Motivation | Tagged: baloon release, Bereavement, family, love, prayer | Leave a comment »
