Late last night, I watched Barbara Walters on the Oprah show. I don’t really like Oprah so I don’t watch her program often. This time, I wanted to hear what Barbara had to say. She just introduced a book of her memoirs titled, “Audition.” During the course of the interview, Barbara said a word that rang true to my ear, “regret.” Barbara said she regretted not having been at her sister’s death bed, because she had a speaking engagement to keep.
How often I have repeated that same word to myself over the last five years. It is nearly that long since my wife Barbara died. Now one would think that five years is a very long time to grieve for someone, but as hard as it is for me to believe it myself, I am still grieving. Even though, I have met and married a wonderfully, beautiful, loving and sensitive lady, and I am truly blessed to have a second life, I still miss my Barbara.
I have coached my three children to live their own lives so they will never have “regrets.” Regrets are haunting. They lurk in the recesses of the sub-conscious and jump out at you at the strangest times. How many times have I regretted not saying “I love you,” more often, or giving that bear hug, or a kiss for no reason. How many times have I regretted staying late at work while Barb was home alone. What was so important that I neglected to see that the little things are what count?
I never expected to be writing about grief, because a man is usually the one to die first. I always planned for Barbara to have to live without me. All of my energy went into “providing” for her. Yet, her I sit with all of those “provisions” in my lap, and all I want is her to be with me physically as well as spiritually.
Live your life in a way that you will not have regrets.
Filed under: grief | Tagged: family, little things, loving, marriage, memoirs, regrets | Leave a comment »
