Davenport’s Bright Idea

      There was a time when I was in love with the state of Iowa. Twice in my life, I had opportunity to ride my bicycle across the state on the largest organized bike ride in the country called RAGBRAI (Register’s Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa). The ride begins at the Missouri River on the west, and finishes at the Mississippi on the east. It takes seven days to complete the course. Every year the organizers route the ride through a different set of towns.  I have ridden my bicycle over one thousand miles of Iowa and have stayed in, or passed through forty towns.  I met a lot of great people. They are friendly, helpful, and cheerful.

     Most of Iowa is agricultural. I peed in many cornrows, and passed by hundreds of acres of soybeans. I rode quickly past many pig farms. The stench being, well let me just say distinctive. Just about every town had at least one church with a cross on the steeple

     Farmers are usually small businessmen. They are independent, and in my mind conservative.  . That is why I was surprised to see the big support Iowans gave Obama. It is also a surprise, that the city of Davenport, Iowa wanted to change Good Friday to “Celebrate Spring Day.”  It was their attempt to separate the church from the state.

     I have a suggestion for Iowa. If you want to separate church from state, do not celebrate the holidays. I believe government should work three hundred and sixty five days a year.  You pay the bill, and as boss it should be your rule for your government to follow. If you do not like it leave, and work for the private sector. The state will improve with fewer people working for it. Besides, by working an extra hundred and five days, you need fewer people to do the work.  Do not try to change two thousand years of tradition and the culture of Christianity because you believe in separation of church and state.

     For the farmers of Iowa, please do not get any more good ideas like Obama again.  I recommend that you get away from the pig farm regularly, and breathe some fresh air. That way when another Obama shows up you will be able to recognize what he really is by the odor.

Ronald Reagan’s reflection on God and morality: “Without God, there is no virtue, because there’s no prompting of the conscience. Without God, we’re mired in the material, that flat world that tells us only what the senses perceive. Without God, there is a coarsening of the society. And without God, democracy will not and cannot long endure. If we ever forget that we’re one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under. I’m convinced more than ever that man finds liberation only when he binds himself to God and commits himself to his fellow man. Our liberty springs from and depends upon an abiding faith in God.”

Dumb Ass Squirrel #!!&+*^(#?

        Squirrels are amazing animals. They are born in nests  high above the ground. They are accustomed to swinging in the breeze. I have witnessed them traverse a yard from tree to tree by jumping. Almost as if they were flying from one flimsy limb to another. They do it effortlessly. Squirrels are also very curious. They will explore everything they can, to find food. If they identify an object as a food source they will climb, jump, fly, crawl, or dig to get to it. You Tube has some amazing videos of squirrels traversing great obstacle courses to get food.

Corn Bungee on TreeUntouched CornBird Feeder With Squirrell Guard

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

At my previous  home, the squirels were very resourceful. They beat every effort I made to sabotage their attempts to raid my bird feeders. They go to the food easily  in a very short time. At my current home, I am one of the only residents on the block with squirrels. That is because I am one of the few with trees. Every year, in the spring a new crop of babies is born in the trees behind the house. During the year they disappear. Either the adults chase them away, or they are picked off by the Red Tail Hawks who sit and watch our feeders. I believe it to be the latter.

      At Christmas,  knowing the penchant I have for squirrel entertainment, my son presented me with a squirrel bungee.  It is a squirrel feeder attached to end of a bungee cord. I place an ear of corn on one end of the cord and hang the other to a fixed point.  It is simple, and the vision of watching a squirrel bouncing around while having a meal of tasty field corn passed through my mind. I also see myself with a huge grin as I watch him holding on for dear life while I drink my morning coffee.

      The bungee came with a twenty five pound bag of  field corn.  There was no room for it in his car, so  it stayed at home. I couldn’t wait for his next visit to try the new toy. I bought a bag of field corn myself.  Within a day, I had the feeder hanging in front of the kitchen window.  Any self respecting squirrel could get to it by jumping from our stoop to the window sill, and then make a short leap to the corn.  I could see it happen in my mind, except for one thing; it didn’t draw a single squirrel. A week later, I baited the corned-bungee by putting an ear of corn on the ground under it. The next morning the ear was gone;  plumb disappeared. The next day, I baited it again; the same thing happened.

      Meanwhile, everyday, I see the  squirrel sitting in the feeder munching away on sun-flower seeds. He has to jump four feet onto a slippery piece of six inch tubing that is there to thwart him. Next he climbs backwards and upside down  onto the feeder platform.  He performs  this complicated little maneuver in a split second. The corn-bungee hung in full view within five feet; totally ignored.

Plan B. Move the bungee to the tree next to the pond.

Theory: The squirrel will see the corn, climb the tree, and then shimmy down the cord to the prize. Or, he can jump straight up from the ground.

Rationale: The tree is far from the bird feeder, and lazy squirrels will come out of the tree to the corn instead of going to the feeder fifty feet away.

Result: Totally ignored.

Plan C: Ask for help.