Tuesday Evening Giggles

A Little Humor for the Day

The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.” I whispered back, “Bring pizza.”

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house. 

It’s weird being the same age as old people. When I was a kid, I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

It is probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

Never sing in the shower!  Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.  So remember…Don’t sing! 

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. 

If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.  

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

Coronacoaster noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic.

One day you are loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks, and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like. 

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet. 

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.

At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What in the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.” 

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Success is a matter of choice not chance.  It’s your choice.

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