Some Strange English

– The meaning of opaque is unclear.

– I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

– Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.

– A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!

– I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

– It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Sumurais it for you.

– So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘apocalypse’? It’s not the end of the world.

– Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.

– The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

– Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.

– Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.

– I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

– Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

– Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?

– I used to be allergic to soap but I’m clean now.

– The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.

– What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.

– Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!

– My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sewitseams.

– What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns.

– A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

– There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

– How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

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