Crazy Is As Crazy Does

121219-Two Faces of Gun Control

TWO FACES OF GUN CONTROL

So many things have happened while I slaved in Santa’s workshop. I can’t believe it all. The new furor about gun control really irks me. I will give up  my gun when Hollywood refuses to make any movies with stories that involve guns. I do think the U.S. should outlaw crazies. I’m sure our Progressive Liberal élite think tanks can come up with a suitable test to decide which of us is inclined to be a crazy who shoots innocent children and conservative people. Once they have that test solidified, they can begin putting it to use by gassing everyone who tests positive for crazy.

Of course guns are not the only things that kill school kids while they are in school. Back in the nineteen-fifties a school fire at Our Lady of the Angels Catholic school in Chicago killed ninety-two kids. These kids died a very painful slow death not a quick sudden one. Yes, we should ban fire. There shouldn’t be any open flame allowed anywhere within a block of a school building. That means no furnaces to keep kids warm in winter. They can use electric heat instead. Of course we all know that electrical problems cause fires too. Yep, lets ban electricity too.

The U.S. government is also responsible for promoting crazy. Let’s talk about Fast and Furious. The idea of shipping guns to Mexico to find crazies across the border is really a gem. How about Benghazi-gate. Shipping guns to the Libyans resulted in them using these U.S. provided weapons to kill our embassy ambassador and three others. During the Russian occupation of Afghanistan the U.S. fed guns to the Afghan rebels who now use them against us. The list goes on and on. Instead of stopping the problem at its root-cause we attack the Constitution. The Second Amendment provides we the Sheeple with the ability to revolt against a government gone wild. The government knows this and fears the idea. That is exactly what the Founders intended with the right. The problem is that we the Sheeple haven’t figured out how to revolt. We are way too comfortable watching violent TV shows and movies that promote gun crime, or play our video games that fill our sub conscious minds with the ease of solving problems with the push of a button.

I don’t know what the answer is to keeping crazies from killing with guns, but I do know that collecting all the guns in America is not the solution. If it were, we must incarcerate smokers because cigarettes kill far more people than guns. Cancer is also another killer, i.e. after heart attacks. Maybe a law banning the consumption of all fatty foods is in order. Yeah shut down MacDonalds, Burger King, Wendys. Taco Bell, Culvers, What a Burger, In and Out Burger, and every pizza joint in the country. That move would kill another several million jobs and cause more of us to go on welfare.

Another killer is the automobile. I lay awake at night fearing a middle of night attack by my faithful Death Star parked in the garage. I say ban all cars except the President’s. He needs to ride in a bullet-proof, bomb-proof vehicle to stay safe. People argue “you can’t do that,  how will we get to work?” Tough, if you still have a job, try riding a bicycle to work, or ride a bus. The Greens would love that. Think of all the carbon load you would cut by walking instead of driving that killer car.

A stationary car cannot kill anyone, unless rigged to blow up like a bomb. A stationary gun cannot kill anyone. The only way these instruments of destruction can kill is if there is a crazy using it. When it comes to cars, I argue that we are all guilty of some form of crazy. We have laws to punish us if we speed, run red-lights, drink, and drive, but we still do it. The problem is we all feel in control and do it anyway. Legislating to prevent crazies from committing a crime is as crazy as the crazy himself.

The Christmas Lights Ride in Frankfort, Illinois

The little town of Frankfort Illinois dolls up for Christmas every year by donning lights on its centerpiece park “The Breidert Green.” The mayor presides over the tree lighting ceremony and the season is officially open.

The lights brighten up long dark weary nights and add a festivity to the air. Combine that with the Mid-night Madness sale on a Friday night and the sleepy town stays up late to celebrate.

About ten years ago, I led a Folks on Spokes bike ride on a Friday night called the Christmas Lights Ride. Twenty of us met in the empty town parking lot at 5:30 p.m. The route I charted took us around the town on the most brightly decorated streets. I charted the ride to visit every neighborhood in town starting with the historic district and winding through each subdivision. The darkest stretch was along the Old Plank Trail which allowed us to cross route 45 a major thoroughfare safely. After an hour of slow riding a chill beset us and there was a mist in the air. One rider, dressed as he would for a twenty-mile an hour training ride was on the verge of hypothermia, so I directed him to the town center via a short cut to a warming place. The rest of the troupe valiantly proceeded for another half hour. The grand finale took us down Ginger Lane where the folks decorate the parkway trees as well as their homes. Residents wrap each tree trunk with green lights, and the canopy is strung in white. Riding down this curvy street arched in lights has a magic about it to put a person in the right Christmas spirit. Most of us had decorated our bicycles with battery powered mini lights to make the entourage just as intriguing. The neighbors who were out walking the displays, and those still hanging lights were surprised to see a chain of lighted bicycles powered by riders with Santa hats, reindeer antlers and Elf adornments streaming down the street all lit up. We ended the ride ready for a meal. A rider asked me if I made reservations at a restaurant. I replied, “in this sleepy town at this hour there will be no need for reservations.”

Upon our return at 7:30 cold, and damp there was a marked difference in town. There were cars parked everywhere. We scurried to load our bikes onto our cars and to head to the Kansas Street Grill across the street. I hurried across the street to get a table arranged while the rest of the group locked their bikes.

“I’m sorry sir, but the wait is forty-five minutes.”

“What?”

“Forty-five minutes.” That folks, is how I learned about Frankfort’s Midnight Madness.

At this point, I had twenty surly and hungry bike riders who had one thing on their mind, well several things: get warm, get a drink, get some food.

Don’t panic, I said to myself. Think!

“Let’s all go to visit Brent at the bike shop across the street,” I said.

Thankfully Brent a fellow bike club member welcomed us with open arms. Next door to Brent’s bike shop was a new pizza place with an empty room. I walked in and asked how long it would take them to seat a party of twenty.

“Ten minutes,” was the reply.

“Thank you Lord,” I whispered under my breath. I went next door to tell the group the new plan and to drink some warm cider.

The Christmas Lights Ride launched Tony’s Villa Rosa that night. The place became a village focal point from that point on until Tony decided he didn’t love his wife anymore and divorced her for another woman. Tony’s Villa Rosa is no longer in business.

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