Wanted: Artificial Intelligence Sherriff

Posted on 20/03/2026 by Grumpa Joe

Last night I watched a 1975 movie called “Rooster Cogburn” starring John Wayne and Katharine  Hepburn. The plot reminded me of the many westerns I watched in black and white as a kid that involved a stagecoach robbery. Today, while reviewing my American Express charges, I found one for $309. The only large charges I have like that are from the local supermarkets. This charge was listed as

EZ TEXTING 690550110Santa Monica CA$309.00
  

There was a time when I used a texting service to communicate with my fellow Lions members, but I never spent more than $25 for a mass text. At the usual rate of a nickel per, this meant I must have sent 6180 texts. We have only 75 members, and that pencils out to 82 messages per member. There is no way I ever sent that many text messages to anyone in my life. The Republicans running our country, however, easily send me that many texts daily. They never ask for money, but there’s no way to leave a message without checking a box linked to a donation. Clever these people are. If only they were that clever at outwitting the Democrats.

Anyway, this line item presented a challenge. It took me about twenty minutes to outwit the Artificial Intelligence (AI) bot before I was able to release some of the steam building in my aged cranium. Here is a transcript from this conversation I had with Alliyah, the chat agent holding a gun at my head.

  • Today • 1:19 PM

Hello, thanks for reaching out. We will be with you shortly.

  •  
  • EE

EZ-Bot Enhanced joined • 1:20 PM

  • Hi, thanks for chatting in today!
  • EE

What do you need help with? Please choose one of the following:

EZ-Bot Enhanced • 1:20 PM

  • Find help with Knowledge Base
    • My account or message is under review
    • Transfer to Live Chat
  • Transfer to Live Chat

Sent • 1:20 PM

  • EE

Please enter a detailed description of your inquiry, and I will contact an online Agent.

EZ-Bot Enhanced • 1:20 PM

  • I received a charge of $309.00 made on 2/27/26. Please tell me what this was for?

Sent • 1:22 PM

  • Transfer requested at 1:22 PM
  • EE

EZ-Bot Enhanced left • 1:22 PM

  • AF

Alliyah F joined • 1:24 PM

  • You are now connected to an agent, thank you for waiting.
  • AF

Hi, my name is Alliyah and I’m with the EZ Texting support team. I’m sorry to hear that you got charged on your account. No worries, I’m here to help! Can you please provide your email address or account ID?

Alliyah F • 1:25 PM

  • What is the charge for $309. on my american express card on Feb 27 2026 made for?

Read • 1:25 PM

  • AF

Can you please provide your email address or account ID?

Alliyah F • 1:26 PM

Read • 1:26 PM

  • Thank you for providing that information! Upon checking your account, the charge was from your annual plan which is the Launch Plan.
  • AF

And your annual plan got renewed on February 25, 2026.

Alliyah F • 1:27 PM

  • Please cancel that renewal?

Read • 1:28 PM

  • AF

I can go ahead and cancel it, are you not going to use the service anymore?

Alliyah F • 1:29 PM

  • No, I am no longer in a position that requires me. to mass text.

Read • 1:29 PM

  • I understand, I have now canceled your account and moving forward, you will not be charge again, and please be informed that as part of our sign-up process, all users agree to our Terms of Service, which include our no-refund policy. This policy states that once a subscription is processed, we’re unfortunately unable to issue a refund—even if the service is not used afterward. Please refer to this link (https://www.eztexting.com/terms).
  • AF

For this one, aside from canceling your account, is there anything else I can assist you?

Alliyah F • 1:33 PM

  • I have read the terms you pointed me to. I do not recall signing up for automatic renewal, and I would not have used the service knowing that an AI bandit would hold me up for such a huge amount of money.

Read • 1:36 PM

  • AF

I understand, please be informed that EZ Texting’s only payment method is auto-renewal and it has been since the day you sign-up for our service. I understand how important this is to you but again, I apologize, we don’t have a way to refund it anymore.

Alliyah F • 1:38 PM

  • If there was such a thing as an AI Sheriff, I would have you arrested and jailed for theft.

Read • 1:42 PM

  • AF

I’m sorry, the only way for you to not be charge before was to canceled the account before the renewal date but on this one, since there were no cancelation, it is automatic for the plan to auto-renew. I’m sorry but this is from our policy.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ While searching the net to find this useless link, I saw several that contained the word ‘Apple’ in them. With Apple’s backing, they are sure to be a winner. I now understand why.

In my last note to this foreign agent, I invented the Artificial Intelligence Sheriff (AIS). There is no doubt that the AIS will become a reality as more and more helpless senior internet users have their pockets picked.

Beware, my fellow senior citizens, and be certain to read the fine print in those endless pages of rules we blindly agree to when downloading an application that will make our lives easier.

To Apple: Please include a feature(button) on your computers that, when pressed, would automatically blow up any website I deem to be an Internet Bandit. It would please me immensely, even if all it did was light up my screen with a loud “BANG!”

Sincerely:

Artificial Intelligence Sheriff, AKA, Grumpa Joe

Filed under: Aging, Democrats, family, Republicans, Seniors | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Chasing Villy, Will, Bill

Posted on 04/03/2026 by Grumpa Joe

Sadly, my brother Will died this week. From this point on, I guess I can no longer say I am chasing him. He was born seven years before me, and when Mom had me, I finally filled the void left by our older brother Joe. I’m sure by the time I was old enough to talk, he didn’t want any part of me. My mother probably enslaved him to watch me, feed me, change me, and whatever else a mother would use her oldest child to do for her. That might explain why he became very interested in school and in helping the nuns after school, or any activity that would excuse him from being home.

Villy-Willy-Will- Bill, Little Brother Joe, and our baby sister Maria

My recollections of Will, or Villy as Mom called him, are vague, beginning in grammar school. Our bonding time during those years was limited, and my recollections of him pushing me around the block in a buggy are nil. The gap between us seemed to stretch, growing longer and longer. When I started first grade, he was in seventh grade. When I reached eighth grade, he had finished Leo High School, the University of Illinois, and was in the army and stationed in Germany. I finally remember writing him letters when he was in Germany.

I finally finished college in 1961. By that time, Will was married, working, and raising a family. Our time together was limited to meeting at our parents’ house for birthdays and holidays. The gap between us was huge, but by then, people were calling him Bill rather than Will.

Somewhere around 1969, the gap closed. I had begun working at Panduit, and Bill was searching for a new job. At a family party, I told him to try at Panduit. Unbeknownst to me, he did. Soon after, I was sharing the lunch table with Roy Moody, VP of Engineering. I thought it strange that he wanted to know about Bill. Three weeks later, I met Bill in the hallway at Panduit. We finally caught up to each other. Bill and I worked in separate departments, but we saw each other and spoke almost daily for the next 35 years.

Filed under: Aging, Biography, family | Tagged: , | 7 Comments »

Wisdom of the Week

Posted on 01/03/2026 by Grumpa Joe

Or Curling

Filed under: Humor | 1 Comment »

Recalling a Great Adventure

Posted on 24/02/2026 by Grumpa Joe

Today I did something that I rarely, if ever, do. I was reviewing my BLOG and noticed that someone had clicked on a link to a bike ride I took with my deceased friend, Lou Dini. A neuron in my brain fired, saying, “Follow the link.” I did, and I spent an hour reading two articles I posted on Grumpajoesplace. It is a gloomy, grey, cold February day, so re-reading a story about a trip I took during the turn of the century seemed like a worthy thing to do.

I took the trip with longtime friend, Lou Dini from Panduit, whom I met in 1968. He and I rode bicycles for exercise and eventually graduated to taking adventure tours together. We had often discussed Nova Scotia as a worthy adventure. Why? Neither of us could answer that question sensibly. “It sounds like fun” was the best answer we could conjure.

The link I mentioned above was to atlanticcanadacycling. Out of curiosity, I followed the link to see what it was about. It is the site I used to register for a supported tour of Nova Scotia, Canada. On this website, there are several rider endorsements, including mine. Lou and I wrote detailed accounts of our experiences. Lou’s is titled “Nova Scotia,” and mine is “Nova Scotia, My Side of the Story.” It surprised me to learn that my account is the one that Atlantic Canada Cycling decided to feature. I am more excited because that makes me a published writer.

Reading both accounts has left me in a state of melancholy because Lou is on a heavenly adventure, while I am stuck on planet Earth. My riding days are over; I am sorry to say that I sold my recumbent bike. There have been too many instances when I wished I still had the bike to ride again. Just recently, I envisioned taking a solo ride around the Great Lakes. Wouldn’t that be an adventure?

Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Snow Flakes Falling

Posted on 25/01/2026 by Grumpa Joe

Outside my office window, the snowflakes fall ever so gently, continuing to accumulate. My mind wanders back to the 1980’s when I sat with my children looking out at a similar scene. The temperature was a bone-chilling eighteen degrees Fahrenheit, and dropping. The coming night promised to put us into a deep freeze. The garden scenery was as pure and white as freshly laundered linen. Hey kids, “lets get dressed and go outside to build a snowman.”

“Put on your boots and snow suits,” their mother exclaimed. The three of them began digging for their snow gear. “I’ll race you,” said Steven, the oldest.”

“Mom, I need you to help me. Steve and Jacque are ahead of me.”

“That isn’t fair, Mom. Said Steve. “You are helping him just because he is little.”

“Get over it, Steve. He is only three, and he doesn’t even know what a snow suit is.” Despite Mom’s help, Mike came in dead last. She had to shake him into his sister’s old snow suit, and as chubby as he was, it was a tight fit, with the zipper a struggle to close. His older brother and sister stood laughing as they watched Mom shaking him into the slightly undersized suit. The boots were another challenge, but Mike was able to pull them on by himself. Dad was the clear winner, since he jumped into a snowmobile suit that fit him loosely. He helped the three of them finish getting dressed. Mom would dress after them and join in the fun later.

“Hey, kids, I have a better idea: let’s use the toboggan.”

I pulled the toboggan off the ceiling hooks and dropped it into the snow at the front of the garage. “Steve, you sit in front, and Mike, you get on behind Steve, and Jacque, you are the caboose.”

“Aww, I want to be first,” squealed Mike. As always, he felt the need to compete with his older brother. “Jacque, please make sure Mike does not fall off.”
“I got him, Dad, don’t worry.” As always, she assumed care for her baby brother. She often climbed into his playpen and held his bottle for him so he could concentrate on sucking the formula down.

“I’ll tow you to get started down the driveway and give the rope to Steve.” The driveway was a long, curving slope that flattened slightly at the street and continued across and down into Dover Circle, where it ended in Fleckenstein’s driveway. “Ready, here we go.” I pulled them as hard and as fast as I could for about 10 feet, then handed the tow rope to Steve. Whee! They all shouted as they picked up speed and raced to the end of Dover Circle. The whole trip lasted less than a minute, but the kids loved it.

Mom joined us just as they coasted to a stop.

At the top again, I pulled rank and sat in the driver’s position, and insisted that Mike sit between my legs in front, while Barb sat behind me. Steve pushed us to get off to a good start. As we crossed Aberdeen Road into Dover Circle, the toboggan veered sideways, and we flipped over into the culvert and rolled to a stop. We couldn’t stop laughing as we got up from the snow and began brushing furiously. “Let’s do that again,” said Mike. I helped Barb up and asked if she was okay. “I’m fine,” she said. “But you can use some lessons in driving.”

We left the toboggan to the kids while Barb and I began rolling a snowball into a snowman. Eventually, the kids got tired of dragging the sled up the hill and joined us to make their own snowmen on the front lawn.

Memories like this are great, and I am amazed that this 54-year-old flashback is still as vivid as if it were yesterday. At the same time, these memories beset me with melancholy because Barb has been gone for twenty-three years, and our daughter Jacque for 12 weeks.

Filed under: Aging, family, grief | Tagged: | 1 Comment »

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