A source close to Grumpa Joe’s Place has leaked information about the new gun control law introduced by Senator Dianne Feinstein, D-(CA) A friend of a friend has informed GJP that Congress added a new list of weapons to the already impressive list of rifles and pistols in the current proposal. The new weapons are as dangerous, if not more so, than those already slated for the trashing. Justification for adding the extra weapons is that they are available without background checks and in most cases are free. Some are single shot adaptable to high-capacity, but some come as high-capacity. These weapons in the hands of any user become very effective. Parents, teachers, police must keep up vigilance for anyone carrying the following:
1. Pea shooters. Often they are a straw from a Big Gulp or any other soft drink. Some clever kids have modified shooters with a hopper magazine for rapid fire shooting. A shooter’s lung capacity is the only limit to the pea shooter’s killing power. Swimmers and trumpet players are especially capable of unloading a magazine filled with peas in less than a minute.
2. Blow guns. Formal blow guns imported from the jungle and loaded with poison darts are easily smuggled past melt detectors and are extremely dangerous.
3. Slingshots. A simple slingshot made from a Y-shaped branch and some inner tube rubber and then loaded with a marble, stone, or ball bearing is also lethal. Remember David slew Goliath using a sling loaded with a stone.
4. Spit Balls. A paper or plastic straw with a piece of chewed paper can become a nasty weapon. This one falls into the class of pea shooters except that ammunition is more readily available and undetected by any sensor.
5. Old Fashion Daisy B-B guns. The B-B gun also has a high-capacity magazine limited in fire power only by the users agility to pump the gun after each shot.
6. Pellet Guns. A more modern version of the B-B gun uses a larger projectile and CO2 for power. Once considered a toy for young boys the pellet gun is effective on varmints like squirrels, rabbits, inner city rodents, and government officials gone wild with power. These guns can also injure or kill humans if aimed expertly.
7. Bows and Arrows. Used by Indians in rapid fire against Union Soldiers while riding bareback. Another lethal weapon. If you are not sure of this one, read “Custer’s Last Stand.”
8. Cross bows and arrows. Another modern version of the bow when fitted with a high-capacity quiver can shoot arrows rapidly.
9. Bubble Guns. An air-rifle armed with a soapy solution of lethal poison can project a stream of rapid fire bubbles and create mayhem in crowds. Only the size of the bottle screwed on the nozzle limits the capacity.
10. Nerf Guns. Most of these guns come equipped with high-capacity clips for rapid fire of soft cushy foam bullets. Reporters and liberal-progressive journalists are the only ones who can register to own a Nerf gun. Reporters can use the gun to shoot softball questions requiring the intellect of a first grader to answer at the president or any democrat in Congress.
Ammunition for these weapons is already under stress. Black eyed peas are in shortage causing Southern ethnic groups who love Black Eyed Peas and Ham hocks to run the shelves of their local supermarkets. Store owners have placed a three can limit on buyers.
Soy beans are also in big demand as ammunition for the pea shooter. The price of soy beans on the open market has jumped from $14.86 to $46.00. Reports show similar trends in the B-B and pellet markets. MacDonald’s, Burger King and Wendy’s have all changed their policy to dispense free straws. The new policy requires a $5 deposit for a straw which they refund when the user returns the straw.
CNN-Reporter Piers Morgan a non-citizen alien has hailed that banning these weapons is a stroke of genius which will ultimately end all crime world-wide and reform the radical Islāmic extremists into peaceful loving creatures of the sixth century.
MSN-Reporter Chris Matthews reports that the tingle in his leg increased to orgasmic proportions when he heard the news.
FOX News-Shawn Hannity proclaims that banning these weapons will have absolutely no impact on reducing school shootings, or violent gun related crimes. Instead he reports it as another grab of personal liberty by the progressive crazies in the Administration.
EIB Network-Rush Limbaugh lost his cool and used a profanity to describe the author of the bill. He concluded that it is the Progressive way to impose their will upon a populace incapable of taking care of themselves.
Almighty Black P Stone Nation from Chicago streets-Leader Jeff Fort laughs at the new law and challenges anyone who wants to buy a gun to come on down to the Engelwood neighborhood near the corner of 63rd and Halstead. “We have anything you want. Our inside track with Fast and Furious gives us access to a fine choice of weapons, and we ask no questions, just bring cash. We also carry a wide array of plastic soda straws if that is you favor. There is no limit on ammunition, our connection with HLS assures a steady stream of product.”
Filed under: Cartoons, Conservative, Government, Humor, Satire Tagged: | Barack Obama, Black P Stone Nation, Burger King, Chris Matthews, Congress, Dianne Feinstein, Gun Control, guns, McDonald, National Rifle Association, PiersMorgan, Recreation, Rush Limbaugh, Shawn Hannity, Wendy's