Will We Keep Cleaning Up the Poop?

A couple of years ago, I received an inspiration to write an essay about my experience with gardening and conservatism. I called it “How the Garden Has Taught Me Conservatism.” I struggled with the concept that I envisioned. The piece turned out fair. Below is a piece from an e-mail that tells the same idea but with humor and precision. The story comes from Maxine, a famous cartoon character who is known for her outspoken manner. She calls a spade, a spade. Maxine did it again in this piece called “Its Time to Take Down the Bird Feeder.”

editor’s note: 2 October 2013. According to Snopes, this is not attributed to Maxine in any way. Although GrumpaJoesPlace does not knowingly post erroneous stuff like attributing Maxine to  “Its Time to Take Down the Bird Feeder,” this error fell between the cracks. Grumpa  Joe nonetheless finds the piece hilarious and has left it intact with an apology for posting something that is not correct.

Maxine Speaks

I bought a bird feeder. I hung  It on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it, lovingly with seed. Within a week we  had hundreds of  birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table,And next to the barbecue.  Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table … everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night, and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ….. Quiet, serene…. and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. 

Now let’s see, our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care and free education, and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegal’s came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly Our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child’s second grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one ‘ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Old Glory’ are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder. 

If you agree, pass it on; if not, just continue cleaning up the poop.


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